Yo! It’s the end of November already! I can’t even believe it.
Time is going SO fast… ugh. Not sure how I feel about that sometimes. My kids are growing and growing, life seems to be passing me by, and, well, I’ll be 31 next year. -_-
Anyway, you know that daily November blog post thing I started out doing at the beginning of the month? I QUIT! I tried, ya’ll. I really tried. Some days I really didn’t have much to talk about at all, and some days I just didn’t feel like writing. Some days I just didn’t get around to it with my million and one other obligations.
But I am proud for trying, anyway. I made it up to what’s considered day 12, even though it’s now November 25th. I still blogged 12 times this month, and that in itself is a major feat.
It’s disappointing that a lot of bloggers don’t participate in this #Nablopomo thing anymore. I think it’s just been around for a long time, and of course, not many people even blog anymore at all. Or they only write like once or twice a year. I’m always writing. It may not be here, but I’m always writing somewhere, ya know? I have two other blogs that are attached to my business that I try to post in quite frequently.
But yeah, like I said, I quit. I fucking quit! It can be stressful trying to find topics and time. I did what I could and I’m still proud of my progress. Thanks to whoever has been reading my posts and keeping up with me. I appreciate whoever you are. 🙂
So, we still have some Halloween candy left from Halloween.
We’re slowly eating it day by day, but I don’t let my kids eat tons and tons of it at a time. That would be a hyper mess!
We didn’t get to go trick or treating this year because, well, I don’t trust this neighborhood, and we’re not able to go to a better one right now. So we just bought a shitload of candy from the store and we all pigged out on it and had fun watching Halloween movies.
I didn’t celebrate Halloween growing up. Wasn’t allowed. I didn’t like not being allowed. My mom was already strict as far as Christian beliefs, so Halloween was a definite no-no. I’d never gone trick or treating in my entire life. I even lost my best friend in 6th grade because I wasn’t allowed to go to her Halloween party, and even though I tried my best to explain why I couldn’t go, she still thought that I wasn’t truly her friend because of it. Bummer.
Even though she was old enough to get the picture, it still hurt me badly then. We never spoke to one another again.
I will admit; I am slightly bitter because there are a lot of fun things I missed out on due to religion, like having a Christmas tree, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I can learn from it though and not make the same mistakes. I will never bar my kids from something harmless, like an Easter egg hunt, just because it’s so-called pagan. Guess what. Everything we do is considered pagan, from the logos we worship every day to the shows we watch to the clothes we wear. There’s a horrible story/meaning attached to every damn thing already! We can’t escape the fact that most holidays were born from something ‘evil’, so you might as well just let the kids have fun while they can.
I don’t want my kids growing up with resentment towards me the way I did towards mine. Now I know there are some Christians who are way more lenient and open minded about these things, but not my parents. My mom especially… her head was gone when it came to religion. Everything was because of the devil, everything had to be ‘holy’, everything had to be surrounded by church. That’s why I LOATHE religion to this day, because if religion was all well and good for society, then people wouldn’t have to be so damn abnormally strict about everything. Hell, I couldn’t even watch Harry Potter.
Perish the thought!
My dad didn’t mind me watching Harry Potter, though. But my mom always won that battle. So I didn’t get to watch it. What she didn’t realize that the same ‘pagan magic’ she was trying to hide from me was the same magic shown in Disney movies and in movies like ‘The Wizard of Oz’. Big deal, right? But again, religion makes most people slowly lose their common sense.
So, all I do now being a parent is to figure out things my way and not make the same mistakes. Not everything has to be bad, and not everything has to be portrayed that way. If it’s not dangerous, then why not? Paganism isn’t all bad, anyway.
That’s another whole blog post, though. I ain’t even gonna get started on that shit right now. LMAO!
Okay, ya’ll. It’s only day 10 for me as far as posting here. I’m behind. Ugh. But I’m trying.
Today was very, very busy, but productive, just like yesterday. Family obligations galore. I’ve been neglecting putting long term styles in all of my kid’s hair, so I’ve been working on that for the last 2 days so I don’t have to worry about it much. LOL! #curlyhairproblems
Anyway, if you haven’t seen the latest ‘The Walking Dead” episode, you might wanna backtrack and not read this.
Well, I was pretty shocked about what happened last, when King Ezekiel was trying to escape to safety with Carol and Shiva came out of nowhere to save him. Guys, I was really thinking that that 500 pound tiger would be able to rip the shit out of those walkers with ease, but I was wrong! I was so shocked! My hubby and I were stoned. Poor Shiva got eaten alive trying to save the King, and I know that his moral was completely crushed after that. He had literally lost everything.
Everything but his shelter…
I know that Shiva was pretty much CGI and all, but hey, it’s a big ass cat! You can’t NOT mourn for a huge kitty going down with bravery like that! lol
But why did they have to let one of the only animals left die? Not the animal! I was very sad. Almost wanted to cry at that scene, and I don’t cry easily over shows. Plus, I knew how crushed the King was gonna be now…
Overall, I loved the episode. I can’t wait to see where they’re going with his character development now that his faithful companion is gone…
Last night, I had a very strange dream about women.
Well, I’m always having strange dreams. I dream a LOT. I’m a dreamer.
But this one involved a public bathroom.
I am not sure why, but in the dream, I was with out somewhere with my parents and sister and the place we were at looked like a mall. We were shopping and stuff. None of my kids were around, no hubby, either. I’m assuming that this was an era when I wasn’t married yet. I think in the dream, we had to take the bus back home, so we started watching the bus schedules and what not.
So when it was time, we went outside to get on the bus. There was a long ass line. For some reason, I had to use the bathroom really bad, so I told them that I’d be back. I ran back inside this ‘mall’ to find the women’s bathroom, and I remember when I went inside it, it was HUGE. Like, massively huge.
What’s strange is that all of the toilets were lined around the walls with no stalls. It was like a circular colosseum of toilets. It felt kind of scary, like wtf is this? Open toilets all around. But they were all, well, occupied. With women. Women everywhere. Sitting on the toilets openly, talking to one another, giggling loudly, playing on their phones.
Now of course, my first thought in the dream was why the fuck weren’t there any stalls? I don’t want to pee in front of these strangers! I frantically looked around for a stall, then I ended up finding one in the corner somewhere. ONE. One lonely, empty stall. I jumped for it before anyone else did, even though it looked like the other women were perfectly content showing their exposed pussies and asses to everyone else in this creepy shit circle. I ran into the stall and closed the door, did my thing, and for a while, I just sat there, looking out at the other women, being jealous of their interaction.
They appeared to be enjoying themselves with one another, just hanging on the public toilets. All of them. Looked to be about 100 women, from what I visibly remember. No one looked alone, no one looked sad or distressed. Only I was the sad and distressed one, the only one sitting in a stall alone, with no one to talk to. No one made any attempts to talk to me, and while I was completely weirded out at the thought of having toilet tiffs with a stranger, I still felt, utterly… alone.
So I did my business and left the frightening bathroom. I don’t even remember if there were any sinks or not, which is another creepy thing to consider. Why weren’t there any sinks?
I ran back outside to the bus that me and my fam were waiting on, and it was gone. THEY were gone. What the actual fuck?
I woke up after that part. Totally fucking bizarre, right? Now like I said, I have a shitload of strange dreams. I dream at least 5 days a week. Some I wake up and can’t remember, but a lot are very vivid. This one is vivid. I can still see the bathroom in my head. Creepy as hell, indeed. Why was I singled out?
Looking at my life, that dream is already symbolic of how I feel right now. My immediate family are estranged from me, although I kinda want it that way because of the abuse and what not. I have no females that I can call friends. Still don’t. I have people that I chat with on Facebook every now and then, but no one has made an effort to really be my friend.
I often feel alone in a world of women. Bathrooms in dreams symbolize intimacy, someone opening up to you, and while this definitely wasn’t a good dream to say ‘oooh, maybe my bisexual fantasies can come to life’, it was more like a reality check. Women just don’t… get me. They don’t want to get me. I have always been the one pushed into that one stall in the back while everyone else gets to interact just fine with one another. No one ever pays me the time of day.
Believe it or not, I am used to this. I already know what the dream was saying, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about myself or my situations. It just tells me that I am always working triple hard to gain something that appears to come to everyone else naturally, because everyone else is the goddamn same.
I conform to no one, and when you actually stick to your own ideologies, in the end, no one respects you. So I end up saying, well, damn. Fuck you, too.
Sup, guys? I am back. Again. It’s day 8!
I have been asked this question before… “Do you believe in reincarnation?” The answer to that is, hell yes! Abso-fucking-lutely.
You know, I have a hard time believing that heaven and hell actually exist. There are no proof of such places, and to me, it sounds a little like paranormal fear tactics to get people to comply to certain rules for like, the last million decades. But what do I know, right?
I believe in reincarnation because the older I got, I studied how people react throughout their lives as far as their behaviors and memories. Some people are born with memories of being in another life and they portray that when they write, draw, or dream. These things people see in their heads, these ideas, these characters and places don’t always come out of nowhere. People who literally think that Earth and this physical realm are all there is to this existence are completely close minded, not willing to think outside the box enough to contemplate there being other universes, realms, dimensions, etc.
I believe in reincarnation because what we see isn’t all there is, and the world isn’t black and white. There are many, many shades in between. Like ‘Fifty Shades of Gray’.
I believe in reincarnation like I believe in karma, and the fact that our souls never die. They come back. Here. They’re not supposed to come back to Earth, but they do. We are TRAPPED here. There is a process that we should be putting our minds through so that we don’t end up back in this ‘prison planet’ known as Earth, but they won’t let us. That’s why we’ve been severely degenerated.
There have been witnesses of people going to the other side and they came back to tell the story… AKA, they DIED and saw another part of this physical being. An outer body experience, if you will. I believe in karma; whatever you do to others will catch up to you eventually. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, not even next year. It could be in another lifetime; you just never know.
I believe in reincarnation because it makes a hell of a lot more sense than heaven or hell, because frankly, we have all ‘sinned’ and we all deserve to go to hell, if that’s the case. Fuck the ‘forgive and forget’ bullshit that they teach you in church, where they teach you to ‘cast your cares on god and you’re good‘. That’s not realistic… and I’m the most forgiving person in the world saying this.
I believe in reincarnation because even I have things that I remember from a past life or two… the fact that I was always an over-sexual child waaaaay before being molested, the fact that I have a HUGE thing for mansions and castles, anything royalty, period. These things were in my head since I was a very young child. These things didn’t come from out of thin air. I am a very spiritual person and I know that everything we see isn’t all there is, and we have been lied to many, many times over by the elites of this planet.
So, sometimes, I go on a personal journey through my own subconscious mind through meditation to see if I can find anymore pieces of my past lives… because for Jenni, who’s pretty much my alter ego, to come out of me the way she did as a child, my past lives must have been pretty eventful.
Today, I found the old Rugrats movie in Walmart in the 5 dollar movie bin.
I was shocked! It was only $3.74, so I couldn’t pass that up. Brought back so many memories. I LOVED that Rugrats movie. It was like, my fave movie back then, when I was only in middle school. The 90s were amazing. Why can’t we have them back? That was the last good era, After the year 2000, something actually did change. Nothing was the same anymore.
The innocence of things are diminishing more and more, and I hate it. I miss all of my childhood shows and the innocence that people used to carry. Now, too much technology has ruined a lot of things. Video games aren’t the same, TV shows, movies, music, entertainment in general isn’t the same anymore. Everyone talks like this, and it generally sucks.
However, there is nothing that we can do to change this… it’s far too late. Humanity is degenerating very quickly these days. Role reversal, gender reversal, and loss of morals are on the rise. Selfishness is definitely on the rise. As sad as it is, there’s nothing we can do but just try to make our little worlds as safe and ‘old fashioned’ as you can possibly make it, or at least I’d like to. I like technology as much as the next person, but there is something seriously wrong when a person would rather pay 800 dollars for a damn iPhone than pay their rent.
So I will enjoy my little nostalgia when I round up my kiddos to watch the Rugrats movie because they’d only seen it once 2 years ago and don’t remember it, and I will cherish whatever is left of the better days for the sake of my own sanity.