What Made Me Poly in The First Place?

™ I used to think that you couldn’t possibly be in love with more than one person at once.

This year, I learned otherwise.

I learned a hell of a lot this year, period. I might make a video soon to go more in depth about what I learned, so subscribe to me here. (Epic Realist YouTube channel)

Yes, I consider myself polyamorous. That just means that I have  the capacity to romantically love more than one person at a time. Honestly, I never thought that I’d be this way. But the way my life has gone, it isn’t too much of a surprise… and it fits perfectly within my ‘status quo’.

Before you start asking about how this came about, here’s a little background about me. I am  29, born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. However, I’ve been in Georgia since I was 10 years old. My life was pretty normal up until this point.

When I was 12, I was molested by my biological father. A lot. It completely tore my life apart. No one knew about it. I was molested by him in many different ways up until I was 17, when a series of events led my mom to finally drag it out of me. He wasn’t prosecuted because my mom didn’t allow him to… buuuuuuut that’s another story for another time.

I have been married to my hubby for almost nine years now, and we’re still very happy with one another, considering the absurd amount of family drama that we’ve had to endure. A lot of things were beyond our control; our marriage, finances and emotional stability spiraled downward many times. We’re still trying to patch things up by continuing to denounce family and fix my issues from having severe PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) from the abuse AND juggle kids in the depressed state that we are/were in.

I’m a stay at home mommy to five kids (OMG FIVE!? Yes, five. Five kids ages 7 and under), and I stay home to homeschool them. Life’s pretty boring most days… for me, that is. I’ve gone through my whole marriage with no friends. I just didn’t know anyone. It wasn’t just the fact that I was stuck in the house a lot because we’ve never had much money to go out places more often. It’s the fact that people just… don’t seem to like me much.

I know I seem very fucking weird to most, and that’s always been the case. I’m a geek. A goofy bookworm, erotic writer, video game playing otaku nerd who’s still a kid at heart. But hell, that’s just who I am and I’m going to own it. I’ve had no friends for years. The only one who was able to get me through this and help me heal was my hubby. All these years with no one around has made me crave having more people around to love. Not necessarily romantic love, but people that simply support us.

This is something that we as a race (black people) completely lack, as most of us already know. Black people honestly get on my fucking nerves, constantly criticizing and judging their family members, disowning their family members, and never willing to work together for a common goal. We have been STUCK in an area where this issue is rampant, and we’re tired of not being supported by anyone. Family has hurt us deeply. Ya’ll don’t even want to know some of the things we’ve been through because of abuse and utter betrayal.

Long story short, that’s mostly why we’re poly now. I am bisexual, and that’s a new discovery that I admitted to myself just last year. But we want more people to add to the new family dynamic that we’re trying to create. Nowadays, everyone is so fucking lonely from overworking themselves half to death and having no time to relax that we’re all trying to create our own families, no matter how it comes about. Gender and race doesn’t even matter anymore. If that person loves you and supports you no matter what, you might as well call them your family if they last the test of time. I’m just being real.

Having real friends is a rare thing. I am glad that I finally have one female friend now that I just met last year. ONE. That’s sad, isn’t it? I’ve had others in the past, but they weren’t real friends. They all betrayed me in some form or fashion. I’m not saying that I absolutely have no fault in this, like perhaps, I was too clingy or too dependent or whatever else I was back then, but still. If you really care about someone, you should not ditch them unless they’re abusing you. 

So I finally have one friend who actually cares. She actually talks to me several times a week and she treats me like no one else ever has. We have a shitload in common with one another. My relationship with her has gone so far in such a short time. And I haven’t even met her in real life yet because she’s in another state. lol

Going off topic. Sorry. Haha! Anyway, I am polyamorous. I have the ability to love two people at once. Prior to being this way, I didn’t think it was possible. Back when I was closed minded due to religion, I didn’t give anything a chance. Now, I am completely opening up to new possibilities, and I’m ecstatic about how my life will change for the better this upcoming year.

~Epic Realist~






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